i think the biggest issue with the way i approach my life right now is that i treat doing anything enriching or fulfilling as working against my natural instincts. i know it's literally a self-fulfiling prophecy with the way it forces me into a constant uphill battle that then validates me for believing in it in the first place but it feels so ingrained in my way of thinking that changing it is itself an uphill battle
but if i have to fight dozens of battles no matter what i might as well pick the ones i know will be rewarding in the end
i also just installed affinity like an hour ago as of writing this (9:14 am). even if i drop off i can't get too mad at myself for trying
9:35 - finally came up with a retroactive excuse for this site's wack ass name (i have never had a consistent identity and atp i should just roll with it)