i broke linux again. somehow uninstalling some dotfiles ended up deleting the file manager and also breaking some important network components so i had to boot to a live usb and install dolphin using chroot. but even after i did so i couldn't fix the network bullshit so i just spent a full day moving a bunch of files around just to make sure everything's backed up before i nuke my linux install yet again.
and before you ask about snapshots, when i installed cachyos for maybe the 3rd-4th time i deliberately chose a filesystem that doesn't allow snapshots (xfs) instead of the one that would've easily let me reverse whatever the fuck i just did (btrfs) so i was kinda fucked regardless.
idk how many times some shit on linux has broken to the point of having to reinstall everything atp. maybe it's my fault for not being able to settle on any premade dots yet unwilling to make my own rice. i've wasted enough time on r/unixporn, surely i could spend a day or two learning quickshell and hyprland syntax.
i mean, it's not like i have a dozen other things i desperately want to make time for. it's not like i still need to get over the bad habits of suppressing my creative urges and refusing to make a schedule despite having all the free time in the world & not even going to college anymore. i'm still technically in college, it's just that i haven't attended a single class in weeks and all my grades are failing.
i'm doing great btw. i woke up at 3pm yesterday and it's 7am right now. i spent almost the entirety of yesterday just waiting for files to move around. i'm doing great
but to pick up from where i left off in my last entry, i currently have 3 oses installed on my laptop: linux mint as a daily driver (whatever that means), cachyos for tinkering (though i haven't touched it since the initial install), and windows for whatever won't run on linux. i wanted to install bazzite too but the installation ran into some error whose troubleshooting videos are only for the legacy version. i was using the live iso version.
also something weird is that the bootloaders i'm using for mint and cachyos (grub and limine respectively) both detect the windows boot manager but can't detect one another, so switching between the two linux distros involves booting into the bios menu and swapping their boot orders (dell doesn't have boot override). that's one reason i haven't booted into cachyos a second time, but there's another.
i'm learning colemak... again. apparently my first attempt at learning colemak was all the way back in september 2022. i think i tried to learn it for 1 or 2 days before deciding it'd be better if i just got faster at qwerty, so i spent the next few months getting really into speedtyping.
after relearning the basics on typing.com and typingclub then grinding typeracer and nitrotype, i eventually got hardstuck at the 80-95wpm range for what felt like forever so i stopped grinding and went back to just typing in my journal. i did a monkeytype test for fun as i was writing and apparently i could type at 100wpm while barely pushing myself, which i guess makes me pretty decent at typing fast.
i remember being a massive vaxei fan at the time, awestruck by him typing at 175wpm while i was struggling to break past 50 – he was half the reason i got into speedtyping in the first place. nowadays i don't even know how fast maliszewski can type, i just know that he has to study whatever the fuck these are for his graduation exams.
oh yeah that's one of the dozen things i want to make time for btw. theoretically i could easily get started by looking for online resources on advanced polynomials, absolute values, and trigonometry, but in practice i just fall back to yapping on my computer while a video essay plays in the background. the same goes for learning polish, listening to new music, learning programming again for the nth time, etc.
i'm well aware that only doing something once i am sufficiently convinced to is not a great way to go about things, but i have yet to find a balance between discipline and curiosity that would convince me that the former isn't just a buzzword tossed around by productivity gurus once people got sick of hearing "motivation" and "systems" for the millionth time. i hear they're moving onto this thing called "boredom" now?
idt boredom has made me more productive, but maybe that's because productivity is a concept tied to work and school, and idc about being productive in school anymore because i'm barely a student atp, i'm just a freeloader living in my parent's house doing things that may or may not lead me to getting a job in the long run.
is rambling on and on in a blog post more productive than scrolling on my phone all day? at least i'm offloading my thoughts somewhere instead of letting them pile up in my brain, but it's like the more i write the more thoughts come up, and i have to write them out too which makes me think even more thoughts so i keep writing and writing and before i know it it's 8:30 and i still haven't eaten breakfast.
i should be a writer but i'm afraid of putting my ocs that are basically just myself with different names & appearances into tangible words because the first time i did that was right after seeing some truly infuriating shit that almost made me question whether i have been deliberately blinding myself from reality, convincing myself that those kinds of people only exist in the past or in fantasy, that no human being in the present day in the real world would be actively engaging in such things, just so i could continue to believe that i have the capacity to understand any person on the planet.
but i genuinely, sincerely, cannot extend my understanding to anyone who engages in incest. this isn't even about inbreeding or me being a prude, i understand how incest can be used to explore themes of codependency, hell, i can see lolicon being used to explore our obsession with purity and innocence. but for the life of me, i just can't imagine a single timeline or universe where i end up fucking my brother. it's incomprehensible, and he's only my half-brother. i can't fathom how someone could fornicate with their underaged siblings and see no qualms with it. i can better understand that child molesters are more obsessed with the power they wield than the children themselves. oh, wait... that's probably it.
and the second time i tried to write fiction i was forced to come up with names for characters who aren't just alternate universe reimaginations of myself and it sucked. the names i gave the characters, i mean. i could probably turn them into nameless characters so i could get to the good shit where i finally flesh out my reimagining of what osu combat championship's world ought to be, or i could scrap them entirely, but i still would've had to write characters whose personalities aren't carbon copies of my own and it still would've sucked.
i made the worst omelet ever but at least it was sort of edible
ok uh what was i talking about again? oh right. after i finished moving all my stuff i was thinking of installing bazzite on my pc but the version i needed to install was too large to write into my 8gb usb drive. even when i downloaded the gnome desktop version it was still too big so i gave up and decided i was going to try to install cachyos yet again.
in retrospect i could've tried downloading the legacy version but i already flashed the cachyos iso onto my usb drive so it's too late now xd